Ski school hosted by Gwyneth Paltrow comes to Cambridge this year

We’re absolutely delighted to announce that we’ve got a snow-stopping addition to our festival lineup this year – with the one-and-only Gwyneth Paltrow bringing her world-renowned skiing skills to the Orchard, to teach us all how to snow plough safely.

With a top-notch record to her name, #Gwynnocent Gwynnie will be taking to our brand-new dry ski slope for a festival-first appearance as a celebrity ski instructor. Expect to learn how to graciously glide, avoiding most obstacles, from top to bottom no problem.

Both eager adults and tiny tots will be safe on the slope, with wellness and health a top priority. All ski school attendees will be thoroughly briefed on slope etiquette beforehand too, to ensure we avoid anyone screaming like ‘King Kong coming out of the jungle’. 

A range of relaxing scented candles (with compulsory pre-ski inhalation) will ensure that everyone is sufficiently zen, loose, and in touch with their inner skiing self before setting off. Ms Paltrow has even created a custom candle for us called ‘This Smells Like Funk’.

Masseuses will be available should any collisions occur (suitably obscenely priced), and sachets of GoopGlow are on hand to be intravenously applied to any injuries – so even if your bones are bruised, at least your skin continues to shine radiantly throughout.

We can’t wait to welcome you all to this summer’s most zen-sational attraction! To book yourself in, please email us at AprilFools@thecambridgeclubskischool.com.